By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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