Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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