dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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