he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
