I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
