Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Is Oprah even human
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
