Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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