The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize