That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
