I am spending my child support on dildos
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
