This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
they're like a gay fantastic four
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
