Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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