At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
