I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
