i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
