You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
