Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
