He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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