What did we do last night that was yellow?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
