And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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