why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
