Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
