i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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