either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
