I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
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still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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