my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
