Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
