I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
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