And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
