and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
