is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
