her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
