I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
