Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
