Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
