omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
