i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
