2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
