my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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