Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
