Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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