doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
