If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
