I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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