I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
