i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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