After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i would punch a child for taco bell
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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