ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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