Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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