Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
