The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
