There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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