I bet he comes in French.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
