In the future we'll all be gay
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
