i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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