All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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