how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
