Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
