I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you will always have a special place in my vag
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
