at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
