I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
