I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
