HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
