I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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