About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
