i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
