For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
