Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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