I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
