He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
