His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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