so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
