that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
