I am spending my child support on dildos
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
