Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
