If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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