i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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